WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
