like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
