dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
