Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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