never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
