You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
