the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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