Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
