I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
