she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
