someone threw a dead crab at me
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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