Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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