my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
