there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
