You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
