Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
