a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
