No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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