god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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