Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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