Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
