Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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