New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
