i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
