he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
