I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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