So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
