I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i already hear my dad disowning me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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