Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
