The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
