i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Randomize
