just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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