Already got asked if we're dating
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
