Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
