just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She bit a glass in half.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
