Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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