I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
