He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
