We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
