I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
