mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
