now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
