K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
