I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
