My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
