I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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