those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
