Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
