I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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