girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
