Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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