I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
